Yet another long Slingshot story. Or, "how I got free medicine at CVS".

    Sunday was such a nice day that I decided to drive the Slingshot down to Ocean City, Maryland. For the most part, it was a great ride. I made it to Ocean City, had lunch, walked on the Boardwalk, drove around on the strip, had about 10,000 photos taken of the Slingshot, etc., etc., etc… It would have been a great day overall if not for a little incident that happened on the ride back. Let me tell you about that…..

    I was about 2 hours into my 3-hour drive back home when it happened. I was cruising along at around 65 mph and I was starting to feel a bit tired. It was at this point that I made the mistake of yawning. Normally I will cover my mouth when I yawn, but this time I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t. But I didn’t. And I SHOULD HAVE.

    So, what happens when you pop open the “blender of random chance”, throw in a nice summer day, an open-mouthed yawn, a speeding Polaris Slingshot, and then hit the “puree” button? Well, what happens is that Murphy’s Law walks up and junk-punches you, that’s what happens. Just as I got to the apex of the yawn – mouth open to its widest potential – Murphy’s law added its own special little ingredient to the mix.

    There was an impact and a small explosion on the driver’s side upper edge of the wind screen. This was followed immediately by a lesser, secondary impact on my tongue and then the roof of my open mouth. The secondary impact was followed by an intense burning sensation on my tongue. “WTF?!” I thought as I tucked my head down and spit a foreign object out onto my lap. “OWWWW!”

    I looked down to see what I had just spit out. There it was lying on my left Levi’s 501 pant leg. Still twitching. A smooth, glossy, black and yellow striped insect abdomen, complete with insect guts hanging out of the top part. “AWWWW SHIT!!!” I said out loud. (In retrospect, I think that my tongue was already starting to swell at that point, because I think I heard myself say “AWWWW THIT!!!”.) So, a yellow jacket had hit the windshield, exploded, and then the business-end of this little pain machine had flown right into my open mouth. If you are like me and didn’t know that yellow jackets could still sting even after they have exploded, now you know. They CAN. This dismembered abdomen had stung me at least once right on the top of my tongue, near the tip.

    To my own credit, I didn’t so much as swerve the Slingshot as this event unfolded. I held my lane and my speed. “Pwetty thafe dwiving, all thinght conthidered” I said to myself. “UH OH.”

    After recovering from the initial shock of this drama, the pain in my tongue really started to set in. Also, I was starting to feel the swelling start. I was thinking fast at this point. “Hmmmm… I don’t think I’m allergic to stings, but this is right on my tongue. How much is it going to swell? Will it affect my breathing? Shit, I don’t know.” I recalled a scene from the movie “Hitch” where Will Smith’s character eats shellfish (he’s allergic to it) and his face swells up horribly. He goes to a pharmacy to get an anti-histamine to combat the swelling. “Good idea. I’d better stop and get some Benadryl” I thought to myself.

    In an incredibly lucky turn-of-events, just as I’m thinking that I need Benadryl, I look up and see a CVS pharmacy ahead on the right. “Wow! At least this happened at the right place” I thought. I put on my right blinker and begin to brake and down-shift the Slingshot. Pulling into the CVS parking lot, I saw a ridiculously pretty girl walking out of the pharmacy’s front door. I wanted to stop and stare for a minute, but I thought better of it – what with my developing medical emergency and all. So, I parked the Slingshot and went through my procedure of getting out – key off, gearshift in reverse, parking brake on, seat belt off, helmet off, and ball cap on to hide my helmet-hair.

    I was climbing out and really feeling the pain and swelling in my tongue when I heard an angelically sweet little voice say, “That’s really cool! What is it?” I turned and saw the ridiculously pretty girl standing there looking at the Slingshot. She was a blond twenty-something. About 5’7”, tiny-waisted and top-heavy, wearing tight jeans, a t-shirt, and a ball cap with a ponytail pulled through the back. I was immediately torn between wanting to talk to her about the Slingshot and wanting to go into the CVS and get the possibly life-saving medication that I needed in order to survive. What to do… what to do….. I chose life.

    I needed medicine, but I didn’t want to be rude to her, so I pointed to my mouth and said “”tharwy, thung on my tongue”. The effect it had on her was immediate. He eyes opened wide and her mouth dropped open. Then anger flashed onto her face. “that’s disgusting, you jerk” she said, and stomped off towards the center of the parking lot. “What the heck?”, I wondered to myself. I guessed that I looked and sounded so horrible that it freaked her out a bit. “I’d better get that Benadryl quick”.

    Inside the CVS I found the Benadryl easily, and didn’t bother to wait until I had paid for it. I just opened it up right there in the aisle and started swigging. I had wondered as I was opening the box if I would be able to swallow with my tongue swelling like it was, but I needn’t have worried. I could swallow just fine and I could even taste the cherry flavor of the medicine, although it felt like those cherries were on fire.


    “Hey!” I heard a loud male voice yell from behind me. I turned and saw a CVS guy heading straight for me. I held up my hand in a “stop” gesture and was about to explain that I intended to pay for the Benadryl when he said “What the hell did you say to Cheryl”?!?


    I was thoroughly confused. “Whaa? Who?”


    He pointed behind him and standing at the end of the aisle was Cheryl, the ridiculously pretty girl, with a look on her face that was about 20 miles past pissed off. “Did you tell her to sit on your tongue!?! That’s my brother’s girlfriend! You don’t speak to her like that!”


    “Whaa?” I said. “”Thit on my tongue?” Then it occurred to me what had happened. She had misunderstood me due to the swelling. I burst out laughing, which was an amazing thing considering how much pain I was in.


    “Oh, you think this is funny? I ought to kick the shit out of you, you asshole!”


    I held up my hand in a “stop” gesture again and said “wait, thath not…. AHAHAHAHA….” I was laughing too hard to try to talk, and even if I weren’t laughing, I still probably couldn’t speak well enough to explain. I sounded like I was about 15 marshmallows ahead of my competition in a game of Chubby Bunny. That thought just made me laugh all-the-harder. I actually said “Chubby Bunny” to see what it would sound like. I was bent over, holding my stomach, bellowing out laughter now. I had tears in my eyes and I needed to pee.


    “What the hell is WRONG with you, man?!” the CVS guy asked with a look on his face that actually bordered on concern.


    After a minute I got control of myself. I held up an index finger [wait gesture], I pointed to my mouth and then did a small, palm-out wave with my hand [I can’t speak gesture], then I held out my left palm and made a writing motion on it with my right hand. I wanted to find a pen and pad, but then it occurred to me that I didn’t need to write. I had my phone in my pocket, so I could type. I showed the guy my phone and then started to type.


    “Didn’t say ‘sit on my tongue’. I said ‘stung on my tongue’. Yellowjacket stung me. Can’t speak!”


    I showed him the Samsung Galaxy S8+ and suddenly he was the one laughing. I looked up towards the end of the aisle and the look on Cheryl’s face had gone from "anger" to "anger with a big dose of confusion". She started walking towards us, evidently curious to know what I had typed that would cause her boyfriend’s brother to betray her like this. That got me going again, so now the CVS guy and I were both looking at Cheryl and laughing. She did not seem pleased by this new development.


    “Cheryl, you idiot!” the CVS guy said through his laughter. Cheryl had reached us and snatched the phone out of the CVS guy’s hand. Her face went blank as she read what I’d written. “Oh my GOD! I’m SOOO sorry!” she said. She rushed over and hugged me. “I’m so sorry” she said again. Then we were all three laughing.


    After a minute, Cheryl’s mothering instinct apparently kicked in because she looked at me and said “wait, wait, let me see your tongue”. I opened my mouth and tried to stick out my tongue, but it didn’t seem to want to cooperate. I couldn’t move it around or manipulate it like I normally could. “OH MY GOD!” Cheryl screamed. “Oh. Oh. Oh!” She grabbed my hand “what do you have? Lemme see!” she asked, and upon seeing the Benadryl she shoved it towards my face. “Yes. Drink more. You need more!”


    I drank more.


    After a while I was finally able to convince Cheryl and Mark (the CVS guy) that I was going to be ok. It seemed that the swelling had subsided a little, or at least it stopped getting worse. I could still breath fine because it was only the front two thirds of my tongue that was swollen. Mark gave me the Benadryl for free as an apology for the misunderstanding and I left the CVS and went over to the McDonalds. I wanted to sit for a while and make sure that the Benadryl wouldn’t affect me to the point that I couldn’t drive. (I didn’t want to explain what happened again, so I just typed out “dental work – can’t speak. Large drink please” on my phone and showed it to the McDonalds girl.) I had already eaten a short time before this drama began so I just got a large tea with lots of ice, and I held the ice in my mouth as long as I could to try to help the swelling.


    About 45 minutes later I was convinced that I would be fine. I climbed back into the Slingshot and continued my drive home. I was in pain the ENTIRE way, and for much of the evening.


    So, if you are driving your Slingshot and feel the need to yawn, COVER your mouth!

    Two years ago I was out on a bicycle ride. Going down a hill at about 40 mph, mouth open. A bee flies into my mouth and to the very back of my throat. Proceeds to sting me and gets stuck. I started coughing and gagging extremely hard and ended up projectile vomiting with gut wrenching force while I am still on the downslope. Managed to stop and rinse the bug parts out. Within minutes could feel the swelling start. Found a pharmacy and used three or four of the Benadryl dissolving strips. Throat was sore for a few days.


    You have great (and long) stories. Makes me glad my wife told me to read more.



    RNJ12

    I was visiting my grandfather a couple of years ago (When he was still with us) on the way home along highway 89 just North of Bear lake I saw my uncle's truck coming toward me. I saw he had a truckload of beehives He was bringing back from whatever farm he had them at for the spring. I was going too fast, I had nowhere to turn off, I plowed through a swarm of Bees doing about 60 and he was traveling at about 35. Didn't get stung but cleaning Bee parts out of my hair, the seats, wakeboard speakers behind me sucked.

    That was great! In my mind (tells you how my mind works) I knew as soon as she got pissed where this was going!


    I was on my Harley in VA and I got stung by a hornet or yellow jacket right above my eye. Somehow, it managed to come over the windshield, under my helmet visor, and hit me in the forehead. It landed on the top of my sunglasses, and before I could brush it off, it got me on my upper eyelid area. My eye swelled shut, and let me tell you it's hard to ride a bike with no depth perception!